It isn't slander if it's the truth

David owes close to 6 grand in CS he lost is passport they won't let him have it back and he claims he needs it for work... Well if he needs it he should pay his CS.

UPDATE:  he called me earlier this week and says him and domestics came up with this idea and if I would go along with it he can have his pp back...

So here was the "deal" he would pay D R his normal CS amount plus give me an extra 500 a month cash straight... I told him NO, he said he needed his PP for work my answer PAY YOUR CS... so he was BUT I am going to pay that plus 500 in cash! I told him I didn't trust him just pay your CS... WELL he keeps calling here saying, in voice mails , call me we need to discus my PP.... So I called domestics and asked/told them what he told me of what "they" came up with. She said NO we didn't we can't do that we are just the middle man.... Here he wants me to "forgive him" for the 5 grand he owes me and start clean!!! my answer???? NO WAY IN HELL... These are his kids too. I asked her also IF we were to bring in a signed note with my signature would they call me and make sure it is legit... I told them because he has forged my signature before. He just thinks he is above it all. His Godly complex is worse than Tom Cruise's

BUT now he is calling here and his trying to bully me , in his sweet talking ways to go along with HIS deal... I told him I didn't trust him and asked him if "DO you blame me?, we tried CS between ourselves the first yr, he stopped and that's why we ended up at domestics relations ( he doesn't remember that) ... BUT now he is trying to strong arm me into doing it his so he can have his way!!! NOPE he wants his PP I want my CS . HE wants his cake and eat it too and the kids suffer again in the end. It's all about him!BUT he isn't getting his way. He just needs to call his mommy and daddy and say "look I am a dead beat I screwed up I owe 6 grand in support to get my pp back, can I have a loan?"   his parents think their son is the greatest dad... they don't have a clue!
I just got my number changed so I didn't have to screen my calls and now because of him I have to screen them again.

The *ITCH is back

So David calls this morning and asks What is Brian's problem I tell him YOU (apparently Bri has rejected his calls and removed him from his fb pg), he says Y... I tell him because of the way you treat him, he says what do you mean? I tell him about the reports cards.. He says he was away, I tell him he gave Boo and Little B their money right away, he should of given Bri his the same night, Then he says something stupid like he always does (excuses) and I tell him he has been treating Bri like that forever, all I get is an "OH" not an I am in shock OH, oh as in "so and what's your point oh!"... He just doesn't get it...



Then he starts in with how he tried to renew his passport, I said "pay child support then!" he says "I need it for work!" again I said "pay CS if you need it that bad"... I ask since when do you need it for "work" the only time u use the pp is for fun going to Paris... He gives me some sob story... Again "You want it pay child support!" I tell him I have no control over it, I had nothing to do with it Neither did domestic relations that the state did it! I tell him if he wants it ( his pp) back bad enough find some where to borrow the money. He is so many words said he had no plans on paying... I said looks like you won't be getting your pp any time soon then. I tell him next they will go after is drivers license . he then says "SO I don't need to drive another day in my life, I don't care!" Should of told him he would be Bubba's bitch with an attitude like that.... BUT yeah he tried to blame me on his passport being revoked just like I knew he would.... BOO FREAKING HOO.... I said BYE in the coldest voice I think I ever used... and ended the conversation. I have nothing ever to say to that man ever again.
D R called me last week to tell me he tried to renew it and what had happened. what would of been even better is IF he really did need it for work and he didn't know he was denied and he was at the airport trying to use it in front of the people he was doing business for and they took it from him then and there! That would of been pricless.


My house is falling apart at the seams and I need a plumber if it wasn't for the bucket under the leak I would have a built in pool. my water heater is broke I have to rig it and Christmas is coming and he could care less. these are his kids that have to live in this condition all because he thought the grass was greener on the other side.If it wasn't for my church and a friend from back home to help me with the leak... I was so close to just walking away from the house and letting it go.


Sad part of it all Boo (Brent) is home from school sick today and heard the whole thing.

So it's over before it really even started

It's good though, I am alright. it wasn't a healthy relationship any way.. even though it was new... I felt myself slipping back to the person I was when I was with David and that is not a good thing!
The guy I was dating was literally my ex b4 David we dated when we were 15/16 he broke up with me back in 82 and the very next day I started going out with David. but what 28 yrs later who pops up on fb? He does I friend request him just for shits and giggles , next thing I know he is asking me out... but it's been rocky from the get go... he is still married divorce is not final till march. He smokes and smokes WAY to much! drinks till he passes out and has no friends! is a home body. Am I any of those???? talk about water and oil / night and day. He also would tell me I was retarted for beleiving in God, Heaven and Hell...
It was funny cuz his kids are great and I would sit there and talk to his son ( Brittany's age) and I would tell him stories about my friends and I would start out with "my friend" with each story I told, and I told 30 some stories and no lie 20 of the stories were about different friends, at one point he stops me and says "boy you have a lot of friends!"
Oh and get this I am screwing my neighbor BECAUSE I have his phone number in my cell phone, my neighbor texted me while I was with my bf and he got all pissed off ( the bf did) cuz I have my neighbors number in my phone, I tell him he looks out for me and the kids and my house, don't you have your neighbors number? NO YOUR SCREWING HIM. oh ok if you say so!!! ( he should of felt good knowing there was someone looking out for his girl and her kids when he wasn't around, am I wrong?)... Then he tries to tell me I CAN'T go to La P.... SAY WHAT???? I don't think so, so that night when he brought me home guess where I went??? LOL yup LA P... OH Guess what I am screwing the owner there too!!! I wish ;) I felt like saying that to him but yeah he was drunk and getting pissed didn't want to push the limit...
So he drops me off home last Sunday and says "see ya around!" it didn't dawn on me till after what he said so I didn't get in contact with him waited to see if he would contact me... NOPE so late last night I sent him a text asking if he had broke up with me and told him why I thought that.... I got back "I don't want to talk to anyone!"
OK bye bye!!! I didn't say that I just didn't text back...

Well

Mr. Maybe needs a new name....
Last night we were talking and it's official we are dating only each other.  But baby steps one day at a time....

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away....

 



So Mr Maybe

So Mr Maybe and I went out on sort of a date yesterday... Quite a different first date I might add... BET not many of my readers can say their first date was meeting the ex and his family/kids....
I am still thinking WT??? LOL it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I guess I really wasn't thinking it was going to be bad just odd... I just can't imgaine  wanting to be palies with my ex's new wife.I guess I shouldn't of been nervous, it's not like I was the one that broke up their marriage, like my ex's wife did, and plus she isn't playing with a full deck. I could never see myself sitting down and having a piece of cake with FULGY... Mr Maybe's ex wife and kids are very nice though and I would break bread again with them.  I was just mostly nervous I guess. Because after all I hadn't  been with Mr. Maybe since July 1982, we were14 &15 at the time . He said he was nervous coming to pick me up, asked me if I was, told him not really it's not like we are complete strangers, it's just been a while since we were together like this.
Spending time with Mr Maybe and catching up with him was nice too...
Not sure where this is going... BUT taking it slow....
It's a nice feeling.

Mr. Maybe?

So I posted on FB the other day, then removed it after a day or 2 that status didn't get any replies but the status that followed it did... The post that followed it went something like : "FYI ,The Previous status was not about YOU or YOU or YOU!"
The status that made me write that one, went something like! Never fails... Murphy's law, I dumped $$ into a date site, (live and learn) and the very next day (go figure) Mr. Maybe starts to text me again, haven't heard from him since July... IDK We shall see...
Well now after I posted that I got to thinking a certain few who do read my status may think I was talking about them since they sent a few text around the same time Mr Maybe did...
Not to many make their way here, So I thought I would just get my thoughts out here.
They were all in my head when I went out for a walk now they are all gone, I hate when that happens...
Now it won't come out the way I really wanted it to, but here goes anyway.
L it wasn't meant to you, your friendship means the world to me , and I don't want to scare you away, thinking that the post was about you.
K, ugh wasn't towards you either... there are days I wish we could get our "stuff" together...
Mr Maybe (?) currently has no Internet so he says... when he first came to face book back in early spring we talked and kept in touch almost every day, until the day he sent a letter saying he moved out of state...
Well Thursday morning a week ago, I opened my profile back up on a date site, it was telling me I have letters and flirts and winks and to see them I had to pay, Well something in side of me said who knows, I've done the on line thing before and met a few great friends that way "L" ... Well I did  @@  I thought they were going to take it out monthly but they took it out all in one lump sum ....
The very next night my cells dings  it's  Mr Maybe "I want to see you!" ME: "I thought you moved?" Mr Maybe: "Are you kidding me? It was a joke!" Me: "ha ha" (insert sarcasm ) .... these text went on for the next 24 hours non stop even ones at 4 am.... Mr Maybe: "Are we dating?" Me: "Idk, r we?"
So now we are "seeing!"
I don't know though... I'm confused... been riding solo for 9 yrs kinda of like it, it took me awhile to get to this point in my life. Although some nights I miss being with someone. Riding solo isn't that bad.
I went out with Mr Maybe way back in the day, before David ( the ex) we were young 14 & 15... He broke up with me for another girl... maybe that was my kamra though cuz I broke up with K to go out with G but like I said we were young....
back in May, June and July of this year when we were talking, he mentioned me moving to be with him, He in so many words said "move here!" I told him "I can't afford it!" he said "I can"
but that kind of was dropped... BUT I am NOT comfortable with uprooting my kids for a man... What IF ( nothings guaranteed in life) things didn't work out and he tells me to get my shit and get out and the kids and I are left homeless? I feel like if a If a man wants me, nothing can keep him away.
I've lived here in this house for 20 yrs the same house the same town, my kids have grown up here. This is their home and I won't up root them for anyone.. If  a man wants to be with me and cares about me he would understand this. Until my kids are grown and out on their own I am staying put.
So since Monday the texts have slowed down they are few and far, he did have his kids last night. So who knows... I am not sure what to do! Do I stay on the date site, I paid for it, UGH! If I didn't pay for it this probably wouldn't of ever happened.


                                                   

Allow your intuition or spirit to save you from heartache....

Tonight I wanna cry

WOW so much for blood being thicker then water!!! Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...

Contrary to popular belief I am not strong. I broke down and cried, after I hung up on my mom from a phone call. She is confused , she is mixed up she puts words in my mouth I never said. And she seems to like BUTTHEAD still after all he has done to me and her grand kids. I am still hurt to this day that she hugged him after the fact he cheated on me and she knew it too!!!!!! HELL would freeze over before I hugged any man that cheated on my daughters!!! They better know how the hell to run...
She seems to think the courts are for me too... That they will do what they say when they tell David if he doesn't pay he will go to jail... They have been saying that for yrs.. they never follow through, they only say it to scare him and it only works for a month or 2 then he is right back to being an ass.
She thinks the courts and David are the greatest... She thinks yesterdays court hearing David paid up in full and I am a millionaire and I am rolling in the dough. UGH!!!!  She just doesn't understand the system and ex's how they both suck!


I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do... I've prayed and prayed and still my prayers are going un heard. The Bible says God helps those who help themselves... WELL guess what...

I will do what I have to do for my kids.

just messin around

Just messin' around didn't know how till add pictures until this entry...Now trying to figure out how to make the journal pretty too...

Is it wrong to say I told you so

Just like I said he cried boo-hoo to the court personal yesterday in Child support court. They said "don't do it, again!" and "see you in Nov!" There is a continuous hearing. I don't have to be there. I didn't have to be at this one either and David asked Why I was there, I told him I wanted to find out what was going on. BUT he boo hooed how he has this bill and that bill and his house is going into forclouser.He paid a little bit BUT what really got me was he told them "I have bills" I spoke up and said "This is a bill!" he turns around and said "I would give my kids my last nickel if I could!" Yeah that's why my mom has been helping out off and on since Feb. Reminds me of the time Brittany asked her dad for money for jeans and he said NO but then the very next thing he did was give his step daughter enough money where Brittany could of bought 4 pairs of jeans. Right after he told Brittany no too!
It just makes me so mad that he can boo hoo to the courts and the courts just says "don't do it again or "other actions" (jail) will be taken against you! HELLO how many times do they say that before they actually follow through?
So he paid some... swears he paid in late Aug. he says "I sent it, I don't know why they won't give it to her!" @@ He let his 6 yr old mail it, she probably stuck it in her play purse or gave it to her mom or threw it away.
Anyway he did give a check to them BUT it will take another week to hit my account.He was telling the court how his house in foreclosure is it wrong to be a little bit happy? I warned him 9 yrs again"mark my word David, I said"She is going to bankrupt you and when she does she will be gone, she will leave you with nothing and go back to Paris!" Well here we are 9 yrs later and he is about to lose his house and there it talk that she plans on leaving him. When I told him that nine years ago all he said in a calm voice was "well maybe she will!" I can't believe he threw away 18 yrs and a family for her and the mess she got him into... I tried to warn him... Sorry to say BUT I KNOW EVERYTHING!!! So when she does go and he is in a one room apartment would it be wrong of me to happy dance and say I TOLD YOU SO???

???

Why am I so freakin picky when it comes to the men in my life? Yet some women just settle?

Lyrics

As I laid in bed last night a few lyrics popped to mind... I love lyrics to certain songs... I once was told to listen to a song called "angel eyes" from this guy I was in a relationship with... he tells me "but don't read into it!" Hello don't tell me to listen to a song but don't read into it. What's the point in listiening to it then? The following day he broke it off with me.
Then there was this other song that was once thrown into a text I was having with someone, not the song but a line from it, and it often makes me wonder what he was thinking when he said it... Now every time I hear the song I think of him and the text. I wonder if he thinks of me when he hears the song. I dare not mention the song or the text because if he happens to be lurking, surly he will know who I am talking about, he seems to always know when my facebook post are about him.

any who I'm just thinking out loud and just wanted to type them.

I just love music!

UGH!!!

So I call David, ask him if he sent CS (again) , he says NO he is waiting till the court hearing on Wed... then says "I don't feel like going to this!" HELLO McFly all you have to do is pay CS and we wouldn't have to go to court! And I am out a days pay becuz of it... oh not to mention out 4 months of CS too....
i just wish he had a normal job that took his money from him so I wouldn't have to deal with him... I would be happy all the time becuz I wouldn't have to deal with him at all then.


insert SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate this feeling

I'm in a mood this evening ... I can't put a finger on it, and I'm not even sure why I'm in this mood, but I am! I think I'm sad, but I'm not sure. I would say it is the weather, BUT last month the weather was nice and I got in this same mood... I am starting to think it is when I get a visit from Aunt Flo.
I was fine all day and then after the ft ball game I came home took a nap and woke up and BAM I was sad/depressed. But Aunt Flo has been here a few days so I don't get it why now?
The game was ok it was wet and drizzly... The last three minutes of the first game were even better a good friend arrived for the second game and sat with me and talked to me for a bit, that was nice.
I think part of the reason I am sad is that I missed my oldest daughters birthday lunch with her and some good friends and family... Even if there was no game I still wouldn't of been able to go, no $$$, David is so far behind on CS and I am so far behind on bills. I can't afford to do anything fun right now! All I could get Brittany for her b-day was a bag of Swedish fish (her favorite) BUT I feel so bad.
The kids are asking for this or that and all I can say is "I'm sorry!" Brian's school is nickel and diming me to death. It really sucks!
CS court wants to see David on Wed and I have to take a day off and lose money to go. Why doesn't he just pay?
Then there is just stupid stuff...
I just have to keep telling myself "this to shall pass!"

Good question

Ken wrote a comment in my last entry "What happend to old fashion courtship?"
What did happen to old fashion courtship? In quiring minds want to know?

Second Choice

So a few weeks ago this guy one day walks into the bank and asks Brittany if she knew of any single ladies... Brittany knowing the man well enough "says yeah my mom". They chit chat for a bit and Brittany says "she's seen you a few times at La P" He asks her "what does she think of me?" Brittany tells him " couldn't tell her much about you because you are a customer here!" So he gives her his number to give to me. Tells her to tell me to call him. Me being me ( don't like to make the first call) I call about a week later. We talk for a while, he calls a few nights later and we talk again for a while then it switched to texts only.... then 2 weeks ago he tells me he was sorry for leading me on BUT he was still hung up on his ex gf... So I don't hear from him for 2 weeks until today out of the blue I get one from him... asks me how I am and what I am doing... then the very next text he invites me to go to the beach next weekend with him... WH????? We never even went on a date , don't know him that well... I am tired of being passive and letting guys treat me like I am sitting around waiting for them, So I replied "what about your ex gf?" First time ever I spoke up. he replies that she is not an issue any more... BUT I also told him in so many words I was not comfortable going out of town with him I barely know him, that we should go on a date in town a few times. An over night date the first time?
I think he took it well and is ok with it, and said he would be ok with going on a few dates first. BUT now I guess it's a "we shall see!"
I don't want to be a back burner babe or second choice.

just quotes

wonders why is it that sometimes the hardest memories in your life are the ones that you want to forget but can't figure out how to?


isn't it ironic how the person who tends to make you the happiest is also the person who can make you feel the most miserable?

North east summer/fall weather

needs to make up it's mind AC on shorts on... AC off sweaters on... Then it's cold but I wear shorts thinking it's going to be hot NOPE... Next day I wear jeans and a sweater and it gets hot.... Make up your mind already would you! Now when I am done here AC is going back on, at least for the next 2 days cuz from what I hear itsgoing to be hot again, 90's.

Apparently

Some thinks I am his "a stand by will do in a pinch sort of girl"
UGH!!! I haven't heard from this guy since thursday since he backed out of a date for friday cuz he forgot he had plans, even though we texted about it a few times throughout the week.... I get a text that says HI nothing more...
WHT???? I didn't reply.... And I don't think I plan on it either, not today anyway... maybe in another day or 2?

Random Madness

Where do I start, have so many thoughts running through my head....

So many mixed emotions right now. I want to scream, I want to cry... I try to laugh to hide the pain, it's not working.

I feel like I am breaking inside (awesome song btw).

Last week I was under the impression I had 2 day care jobs, this week I find out they both fell through. Just when I think I am getting my head above water I sink even lower. I don't feel like I am ever going to see the light at the end of the tunnel at this point.

I guess it's time to hang up my hat with home day care and go get a job in the outside world. It's kinda of a scary thought to me since I have not worked out side the home since 1986 all I know is home day care... And I would miss the little one I watch now, he is like my own.

David not paying child support just makes it worse. I really hate him for doing this to his family! he claims he paid it BUT it's been 2 weeks since he said that and still nothing has showed up in my account! He won't even help out and buy the kids things they NEED NOT WANT! I never dreamed in a million years he would turn out to be such an ASS. We have a court hearing to go to on the 15th I have to take off and lose a days pay. I better get something from this. It pisses me off that he does this crap to his kids.


Then there is the MEN issue... Men just plain suck!!! I am not NO rebound girl, or a holla back girl, you know girl that is willing to be treated like a doormat or booty call. She is a girl that will allow guys to do whatever they want with her and will just wait for them to 'holla back' at them. Well that is NOT me,... OR a stand by will do in a pinch sort of girl. I am worth way much more then that.

So many things are bothering me right now. Most of which are small and trivial but none less weighing heavily on me right now!

Things are really bad right now and I could use the extra help but have to much pride to ask for the help. I know of a person who abuses the system and I don't understand how they can do that, I don't get it. I had to break last week and ask my mom for help I really hated doing that, but with David being an ass I had no other choice.
There is a food closet here in town... I do have some food but some of it needs other things in order to make it. My kids say there is nothing to eat... They just have to learn to make do with what is here for a few more days. I don't want to have to call the food closet , cuz I know there are other people in town way worse then us. I have called it 3 times in 9 years, the second time (it had been three yrs since my first call) the women said in a snotty voice "we don't do this all the time!" So I try not to call them. People who abuse the system make it hard on those who don't.

I am sure things will turn around ( for the better, I hope) here soon.

Brian spent a day or 2 at his dads not long ago and he came home saying how Fugly told him she plans on leaving David soon. HMMMM when she does can I tell him "Told you so!" can I please??? 9 yrs ago this month when his affair first came to light I told him she was only using him for his choke gag hahaha money and that she was going to bankrupt him and leave him, his reponse in his voice ( like ho hum) was "maybe she will." She IMO was just using him for a green card all she has to do is stay married to him for a few yrs then she can divorce him and still be able to stay in the U S especially since she has a kids now by him. BUT she told Brian she plans on leaving him in another 2 yrs because she really doesn't love him any more!!! WHO the hell tells kids this kind of crap??? They are messed up people they also told MY kids I cheated on him... WHF??? UMMM yeah right!!! He kept me bare foot and pregnant, and even though he said he wanted me to learn to drive he did everything he could to scare me from it. I was NEVER allowed to leave the house with out one or ALL the kids I always had to have them with me! Even on a moms night out I had to take the youngest with me, so much for a moms night out! OH they told the kids I did it while I big food shopped (once a month) YUP that's were I cheated behind the produce and got 2 full shopping carts full of food in an hour.
OMG who tells KIDS this crap!!! OH I know people who try to shift the blame! Well all I know is GOD and I know the truth and that is what matters.

And just because I wrote the above paragraph doesn't mean I am still hung up on the dude, it just means I am getting it off my chest.

THE EEJIT STRIKES AGAIN....

Can I scream? Sure why not, after all it's my blog... I can do and say whatever I want here and if you don't like it, see that little red x up in the right hand corner... use it.

Ok now what has me fit to be tied tonight...

Well Butthead is 4 months behind on child support. We have a court hearing coming up in 14 days. It's so madding though I hate that he won't pay up. He told me nine yrs ago " the kids would never go without" Well they have done nothing but gone without since he left! He is self employed so child support does not get taken out of his pay check, he is suppose to pay it out of the goodness of his heart... Oh wait what heart???

The other night, he swears he paid CS I said he didn't because it would be in my account by now if he paid it when he said he did. Then he tells me he left his 6 yr old mail it!!! WHT????? Is he sure she didn't mix the trash can up with the mail box?

Then he says "well if I could just give you the check myself!" I said "yeah and we all know how well that turned out 8 yrs ago, that's why I ended up taking your ass to court."

So Brian starts his new school tomorrow they want him to dress casual, because you never know when he could be whisked away for a job interview (a really new cool school he is going to). So he has to dress nice. He needed new everything. I asked David for 48 hours if he could take Brian clothes shopping. he kept saying I'll call ya back later, but with him later never comes. I call him back this morning, he tells me to have Bri call him back at 3, Brian calls him and what does he say? I'll call ya back...
So I call at four and this is what I get "Well I decided I will work out a deal with Brian, he HAS to work for his clothes!, He needs to learn to earn his way!" Oh MY FRIGGIN BBBEEEPPPPPP..... You asshole IF you would pay CS I wouldn't be asking you to take him shopping. I would be taking him!!! It's one thing to make him work for something he WANTS BUT for something he NEEDS and from his father who is suppose to MAN UP and take care of his kids!!!!
And he wonders why Brian is so up set with him... His dad has treated him like this since the day he left.

It just makes me so mad that he does this to Brian.

I had to break down and call my mom and ask her to help me with school shopping! I hate doing that. But their own father won't even step up and take responsibility.

As we grow

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

WOW

I can't believe it's been almost 9 months since I blogged... I think I will get back into it... I think... Sometimes I think to much though...