bad blogger... trying to catch up!

I know I have become a bad blogger... I end  en tires with to be continued..., but then leave my readers hanging!

Where to being? or is where to pick back up?

I guess maybe where I left off? 

Brian spent 111 days in rehab. The first 2 weeks home he was doing Great.. Then he got some money and hooked up with his "old" friends and found himself relapsing. He is currently back in rehab and has been there 2 weeks... he is suppose to do 28 days. Not sure what 28 days will do, if 111 days didn't work? His one counselor says a recovery house after this, but Brian says NO way! Plus Brian says it cost? Not sure insurance will cover that! The day Brian left for rehab this second time, the morning of a place of employment had called and offered him a job, he had to decline.

I know drug addiction is a  disease, but I just wish I understood it better.

His stepmother is of no help, but what's new with that? 11 yrs now and she is still not the sharpest tac in the box. Brian also suffers from ADHD, Major depressive disorder (MDD) anxiety and one thinks bi-polar. Brian was on medicines for that, But Fugly told him to stop taking those medicines that he does not need them. And that is when I think he "slipped!"  Brian and I got into it at one point about his addiction and other things! He tells me "You don't know a thing about addicts and addiction!"  I said "Your right Brian I don't! BUT I understand depression, and bi-polar and anxiety!" as I was raised in a house with parents who both suffered from it. I told him he needs to stay on the medicines that the Dr has prescribed for him and to stay off the street drugs. Had he stayed on the medicines the Dr wants him on perhaps he wouldn't of relapsed? But what do I know? I am just his mom?

Now Brian is due to come back home on April 14th. We shall see, I hope this time he got it.... BUT

One day at a time, right? 

INK... double infinity.

This is going to be my next tattoo!!!

Most of infinity tattoos have to do with love being everlasting. But I think I got intrigued by the double infinity tattoo because, I needed to remind myself that forever is a long time. But pain isn’t forever, so I should be stronger. Plus, forever requires a great amount of effort to see through. So before someone tells me “we would be together forever” I would just tell them, remember about double infinity. 

My head is spinning

I was going to write so much more about Charlie... But so much more has happened since I last posted. I should of wrote the very next day while the thoughts were still fresh in my head, before my world turned up side down. Things are still great with Charlie and I. I can't believe he is still standing by me with all that is going on. I thought he would of been gone long ago. I never met such a strong devoted man in my life.
As a lot of my followers that have been with me since the AOL days know that my ex husband father of my 4 kids has never been a hands on dad. Charlie has been here for my kids more in the last ten months then the ex has been in the last 10yrs.
I am so over whelmed. So many people tell me I am strong, there are many days I don't feel strong at all. Sometimes I wonder if the ex would of been more of a hands on dad would Brian be where he is today? Should of could of would of no scene in wondering all that now, Time to concentrate on the here and now and do what I've done all on my own for the last 10 yrs without the help of their dad, and that is getting Brian better. BUT Brian needs to want it too. 
Over the summer Brian met some new friends, wrong crowd kinda of friends. Even though he is 18 and these friends are 15, and 16. Brian doesn't always act and think like a 18 yr old. He caves easily to peer pressure and wants everyone to like him. If they tell him to jump he says HOW HIGH...  He would give them the shirt off his back! He gives them all is money when ever he gets any! They know he has money and they ask him for it. He thinks if he says NO his friends won't like him.  Well him and his friends started experimenting with pot. Then come to find out it went from there to K2!!!   WHAT???  I never heard of K2 in my life... K2 is also known as "fake weed" "spice" or "incense" 
Then I hear on the news that they made this stuff illegal, there were ingredients in it that put it in the category of heroin! How scary is that? And the things this stuff can do to a person smoking it. you don't know what your getting in K2, Why on earth would anyone take the chance of experiencing hallucinations, severe agitation, elevated heart rate and blood pressure, vomiting and, in some cases, tremors and seizures. I tried getting through to Brian how bad the stuff is for a person. Even told him one guy died smoking this stuff from one that was laced rat poison. Brian says that's because he smoked home made stuff!  HELLO it's not like it is a box of cereal and made in a factory, this K2 stuff is homemade! They took the illegal ingredients out of the K2 to make it legal again,   The specific compounds prohibited under the new DEA ban are: JWH-018, JWH-073, JWH-200, CP-47,497, and cannabicyclohexanol.
He disappeared 2 days last week showing up at other peoples homes telling them I kicked him out of the house!  I told him even though he is 18 he is living in my home he has to live by my rules. So he snuck out jumped the back fence and snuck off like a 14 yr old instead of walking out the front door. The second night he was at this persons house he was caught by this persons parents smoking this stuff and he was asked to leave. He doesn't remember this. He spent his whole pay check on K2 and a bowl to smoke it in.  He got hungry and cold and came back Sunday night for warm food and a warm bed and a hot shower. 
He called his one therapist Sunday night and asked for help!!!
Brian is now in a habilitation program, gone for at least ?? days , not sure yet as there is no contact for the first 7 days.
When I was telling some friends about this k2 stuff I was surprised as to how many parents with kids my kids age never heard of this stuff. Parents please educate yourself on this stuff.... I am adding a link(s)... I hope you take the time to read it.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/03/100303092405.htm
  


and then there is the other stuff called  
bath salts


http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/bath-salts-drug-dangers










Well think I will stop here for now...


PS: Parents need to be aware. Some stores like mini marts who are not ran by Americans sell this to our minors!! They do not card. Even though Brian is 18 where he bought his stuff I have recently found out the owner of this shop does not card when people come in to buy tobacco products of any type... They don't care who they sell too they just want to make a quick buck!

I miss blogging

I miss blogging, but then again I miss JLAND...  I don't blog like I use to... I really should try and get back into it..  Last time I blogged was in Nov and it really was not a personal blog it was a copy and paste...

I don't even know where to start...
A lot of things have gone on since then.... Mr Maybe, became Mr NO WAY  real quick...

and probably for good reason 2 weeks after that I met the most wonderful guy ever (Charlie)! Was invited to a dinner at a friends house. Her bf at the time invited his friend... He wasn't really going to go, he was giving up on love, he asked my friend's bf if there would be any single women there... He said yeah... Well looking back Charlie and I think that maybe they originally had my friends other friend in mind to hook him up with not me, neither one of them saw that (us)... hee-hee... any hoo after dinner we sat down in her living room to play apples to apples.. she had plenty of room on her second couch but  I decided I was going to flirt without making it look obvious so I walked over and sat down in between Charlie and  I think the other friend... LOL as he needed a new card every time he discarded I would hand him one brushing my hand with his... he later confessed he could reach them put liked it...
the night ended and we parted ways... but then he started texting my friend asking her questions about me and I would tell her and she would tell him .. then he just asked her to ask me for my number and I said yes and he called me... my water heater had broke around that time too and I had a leak in my basement  it wasn't my year... I mentioned my water heater at the dinner and now he wanted to come over as a friend and see he he could help me with it...  he fixed it of course...   and a few great friends from back home helped with the leak in the pipes in the basement...
Dec 20 2010 we decided to make it official we were a couple... after about 3 weeks of being friends...  We  spent New years eve together and have been together ever since... 9 months on the 20th of Sept...

to be continued...

It isn't slander if it's the truth

David owes close to 6 grand in CS he lost is passport they won't let him have it back and he claims he needs it for work... Well if he needs it he should pay his CS.

UPDATE:  he called me earlier this week and says him and domestics came up with this idea and if I would go along with it he can have his pp back...

So here was the "deal" he would pay D R his normal CS amount plus give me an extra 500 a month cash straight... I told him NO, he said he needed his PP for work my answer PAY YOUR CS... so he was BUT I am going to pay that plus 500 in cash! I told him I didn't trust him just pay your CS... WELL he keeps calling here saying, in voice mails , call me we need to discus my PP.... So I called domestics and asked/told them what he told me of what "they" came up with. She said NO we didn't we can't do that we are just the middle man.... Here he wants me to "forgive him" for the 5 grand he owes me and start clean!!! my answer???? NO WAY IN HELL... These are his kids too. I asked her also IF we were to bring in a signed note with my signature would they call me and make sure it is legit... I told them because he has forged my signature before. He just thinks he is above it all. His Godly complex is worse than Tom Cruise's

BUT now he is calling here and his trying to bully me , in his sweet talking ways to go along with HIS deal... I told him I didn't trust him and asked him if "DO you blame me?, we tried CS between ourselves the first yr, he stopped and that's why we ended up at domestics relations ( he doesn't remember that) ... BUT now he is trying to strong arm me into doing it his so he can have his way!!! NOPE he wants his PP I want my CS . HE wants his cake and eat it too and the kids suffer again in the end. It's all about him!BUT he isn't getting his way. He just needs to call his mommy and daddy and say "look I am a dead beat I screwed up I owe 6 grand in support to get my pp back, can I have a loan?"   his parents think their son is the greatest dad... they don't have a clue!
I just got my number changed so I didn't have to screen my calls and now because of him I have to screen them again.

The *ITCH is back

So David calls this morning and asks What is Brian's problem I tell him YOU (apparently Bri has rejected his calls and removed him from his fb pg), he says Y... I tell him because of the way you treat him, he says what do you mean? I tell him about the reports cards.. He says he was away, I tell him he gave Boo and Little B their money right away, he should of given Bri his the same night, Then he says something stupid like he always does (excuses) and I tell him he has been treating Bri like that forever, all I get is an "OH" not an I am in shock OH, oh as in "so and what's your point oh!"... He just doesn't get it...



Then he starts in with how he tried to renew his passport, I said "pay child support then!" he says "I need it for work!" again I said "pay CS if you need it that bad"... I ask since when do you need it for "work" the only time u use the pp is for fun going to Paris... He gives me some sob story... Again "You want it pay child support!" I tell him I have no control over it, I had nothing to do with it Neither did domestic relations that the state did it! I tell him if he wants it ( his pp) back bad enough find some where to borrow the money. He is so many words said he had no plans on paying... I said looks like you won't be getting your pp any time soon then. I tell him next they will go after is drivers license . he then says "SO I don't need to drive another day in my life, I don't care!" Should of told him he would be Bubba's bitch with an attitude like that.... BUT yeah he tried to blame me on his passport being revoked just like I knew he would.... BOO FREAKING HOO.... I said BYE in the coldest voice I think I ever used... and ended the conversation. I have nothing ever to say to that man ever again.
D R called me last week to tell me he tried to renew it and what had happened. what would of been even better is IF he really did need it for work and he didn't know he was denied and he was at the airport trying to use it in front of the people he was doing business for and they took it from him then and there! That would of been pricless.


My house is falling apart at the seams and I need a plumber if it wasn't for the bucket under the leak I would have a built in pool. my water heater is broke I have to rig it and Christmas is coming and he could care less. these are his kids that have to live in this condition all because he thought the grass was greener on the other side.If it wasn't for my church and a friend from back home to help me with the leak... I was so close to just walking away from the house and letting it go.


Sad part of it all Boo (Brent) is home from school sick today and heard the whole thing.

So it's over before it really even started

It's good though, I am alright. it wasn't a healthy relationship any way.. even though it was new... I felt myself slipping back to the person I was when I was with David and that is not a good thing!
The guy I was dating was literally my ex b4 David we dated when we were 15/16 he broke up with me back in 82 and the very next day I started going out with David. but what 28 yrs later who pops up on fb? He does I friend request him just for shits and giggles , next thing I know he is asking me out... but it's been rocky from the get go... he is still married divorce is not final till march. He smokes and smokes WAY to much! drinks till he passes out and has no friends! is a home body. Am I any of those???? talk about water and oil / night and day. He also would tell me I was retarted for beleiving in God, Heaven and Hell...
It was funny cuz his kids are great and I would sit there and talk to his son ( Brittany's age) and I would tell him stories about my friends and I would start out with "my friend" with each story I told, and I told 30 some stories and no lie 20 of the stories were about different friends, at one point he stops me and says "boy you have a lot of friends!"
Oh and get this I am screwing my neighbor BECAUSE I have his phone number in my cell phone, my neighbor texted me while I was with my bf and he got all pissed off ( the bf did) cuz I have my neighbors number in my phone, I tell him he looks out for me and the kids and my house, don't you have your neighbors number? NO YOUR SCREWING HIM. oh ok if you say so!!! ( he should of felt good knowing there was someone looking out for his girl and her kids when he wasn't around, am I wrong?)... Then he tries to tell me I CAN'T go to La P.... SAY WHAT???? I don't think so, so that night when he brought me home guess where I went??? LOL yup LA P... OH Guess what I am screwing the owner there too!!! I wish ;) I felt like saying that to him but yeah he was drunk and getting pissed didn't want to push the limit...
So he drops me off home last Sunday and says "see ya around!" it didn't dawn on me till after what he said so I didn't get in contact with him waited to see if he would contact me... NOPE so late last night I sent him a text asking if he had broke up with me and told him why I thought that.... I got back "I don't want to talk to anyone!"
OK bye bye!!! I didn't say that I just didn't text back...