You Will never know

It's easy to Delete a number, Ignore a call or Unfriend someone But... Moving on and erasing that person from your heart seems very difficult... A friend who understands your tears is much more valuable than a lot of friends who only knows your smile! PAIN makes you STRONGER. FEAR makes you BRAVER. HEARTBREAK makes you WISER. It's so strange how quickly things change, and the person you're closest to seems like the person you don’t know anymore. Some Songs Can Make You Cry When You Hear Them, But Actually It Isn't The songs, It's The People Behind The Memories..... Our small,stupid conversations mean more to me than you'll ever know. Missing someone when you are alone is not affection BUT Thinking of someone even when you are busy is called real connection. "Respect The Feelings Of People, Who Touched your Heart Because, you Will Never Know When They Will Just Walk Out Of your Life And Never Come Back".

Blogging

It's been over 2 yrs since my last entry... But I am going to try to pick it back up and do a little writing each night, even if it is just a quote I like...  

believe in yourself and do what is best for you.

Over this past week I have learned an extremely important lesson. You can’t always keep everyone happy, in fact this can prove to be impossible! Sometimes you have to do what makes you happy, even if it doesn’t make you so popular with the people around you. You can’t let people alter your relationships with people you love ether. If you love someone and being with them makes you happy, other people shouldn’t be allowed to change that. Yes, you can listen to people’s opinions but don’t let their opinions ruin things for you. I almost made this mistake this week. Things that someone said to me kept going through my mind… I had to sit back and just think of me for a change, What made me happy. I never want to disappoint anyone so doing this was a little bit challenging. I thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion that people who love me will support me no matter what and at the same time I can love them all back in return. And sometimes it is possible for someone you love to be wrong, They can stress as much as they like about being right, but if you know in your heart that they are wrong, then you need to believe in yourself and do what is best for you.

Pennies From Heaven...

I found 2 pennies yesterday...  Was thinking of my sister a lot yesterday too....  I miss her so much! SO hard to believe she been gone almost a month already! :(

Today I found a penny, 
Just laying on the ground. 
But it's not just a penny, 
This little coin I've found. 
Found pennies come from heaven. 
That's what my Grandpa told me. 
He said Angels toss them down. 
Oh, how I loved that story. 
He said when an Angel misses you, 
They toss a penny down, 
Sometimes just to cheer you up, 
To make a smile out of your frown. 
So don't pass by that penny 
When you're feeling blue; 
It may be a Penny from Heaven 
That an Angel's tossed to you. 
Pass this on to the people who you care 
about and who you feel that are angels to you. 
An angel is now watching over you.

3 weeks ago today my sister passed away. Things are starting to settle down a bit, and things are sort of going back to normal,  what ever that is? It's been a rough start to 2013 , BUT hopefully things are turning around now.
My sister didn't have a will. I am now her administrator> I hope I will make her proud and take care of her things , bills trailer and other things the way she would want me to do.
I have the greatest man in my life who has stood by my side the whole time! I don't know that I would of made it through this without him. 

My Sister the day before (1-9-2013)

Wed after noon when I went down to be by Susan's side I told her We were going to have a sleep over, She told me NO! I told her "OH yes we are and you can't  stop me!" And I told her we were going to play a game that we use to play at bed time as a child "I'm going to get the last word!"  She told me "I'm going to get the last word!" I let her have it.  She told me she liked my shirt several different times. "All the little circles on it" she would say as she made a circle in the air with her finger. I held her hand and "tickled" her arm when I stopped she would moan a little, if I left go of her hand she would reach for it. She told me her Dr told her she didn't have long to live. I told her that I knew, but that she wouldn't be in any more pain and That I loved her and that we would be together again someday. She closed her eyes and that was pretty much her last full senescent to me. 

IN MEMORY OF MY LOVING SISTER

Yesterday morning at this exact time the nurse came in to take my sisters vitals, I had been up most of the night . The nurse looked at me and asked me if there was someone that can be with me, that my sisters time was close (less than 24 hrs). Charles  called Brittany , she was at work her co-worker told her to GO! She got Brian  and went to the school to get Brent and Bethany also. We were all by her side, all talking , Susan wasn't, BUT I was sharing child hood stories with the kids we were all laughing, I held Susan hand and rubbed her arm. Susan had 2 visitors Denise and her mom around 1pm. At 2pm I put General Hospital on she loved that show. I closed my eyes for only about 5 minutes and opened them and she was gone... Brian said "MOM" (3:01) , he went and got a nurse. She listened for a heart beat and then said "SORRY" (3:08) , my phone rang at that very minute it was my mom. I couldn't answer the phone, I couldn't tell her. My friend Becky showed up at the moment also. Brittany thinks Susan was waiting for me to close my eyes so she could pass without me seeing it.
Our mom called earlier that morning and I put the phone to Susan's ear and our mom said "I LOVE YOU SUSAN" and Susan made a few sounds back to her on the phone.
I am holding/hugging the teddy bear that she held in her hospital bed as I type this with tears streaming down my face.. Thank you for all your kind words, thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.


JUNE 25, 1965-JANUARY 10,2013