wonders why is it that sometimes the hardest memories in your life are the ones that you want to forget but can't figure out how to?
isn't it ironic how the person who tends to make you the happiest is also the person who can make you feel the most miserable?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
North east summer/fall weather
needs to make up it's mind AC on shorts on... AC off sweaters on... Then it's cold but I wear shorts thinking it's going to be hot NOPE... Next day I wear jeans and a sweater and it gets hot.... Make up your mind already would you! Now when I am done here AC is going back on, at least for the next 2 days cuz from what I hear itsgoing to be hot again, 90's.
Apparently
Some thinks I am his "a stand by will do in a pinch sort of girl"
UGH!!! I haven't heard from this guy since thursday since he backed out of a date for friday cuz he forgot he had plans, even though we texted about it a few times throughout the week.... I get a text that says HI nothing more...
WHT???? I didn't reply.... And I don't think I plan on it either, not today anyway... maybe in another day or 2?
UGH!!! I haven't heard from this guy since thursday since he backed out of a date for friday cuz he forgot he had plans, even though we texted about it a few times throughout the week.... I get a text that says HI nothing more...
WHT???? I didn't reply.... And I don't think I plan on it either, not today anyway... maybe in another day or 2?
Random Madness
Where do I start, have so many thoughts running through my head....
So many mixed emotions right now. I want to scream, I want to cry... I try to laugh to hide the pain, it's not working.
I feel like I am breaking inside (awesome song btw).
Last week I was under the impression I had 2 day care jobs, this week I find out they both fell through. Just when I think I am getting my head above water I sink even lower. I don't feel like I am ever going to see the light at the end of the tunnel at this point.
I guess it's time to hang up my hat with home day care and go get a job in the outside world. It's kinda of a scary thought to me since I have not worked out side the home since 1986 all I know is home day care... And I would miss the little one I watch now, he is like my own.
David not paying child support just makes it worse. I really hate him for doing this to his family! he claims he paid it BUT it's been 2 weeks since he said that and still nothing has showed up in my account! He won't even help out and buy the kids things they NEED NOT WANT! I never dreamed in a million years he would turn out to be such an ASS. We have a court hearing to go to on the 15th I have to take off and lose a days pay. I better get something from this. It pisses me off that he does this crap to his kids.
Then there is the MEN issue... Men just plain suck!!! I am not NO rebound girl, or a holla back girl, you know girl that is willing to be treated like a doormat or booty call. She is a girl that will allow guys to do whatever they want with her and will just wait for them to 'holla back' at them. Well that is NOT me,... OR a stand by will do in a pinch sort of girl. I am worth way much more then that.
So many things are bothering me right now. Most of which are small and trivial but none less weighing heavily on me right now!
Things are really bad right now and I could use the extra help but have to much pride to ask for the help. I know of a person who abuses the system and I don't understand how they can do that, I don't get it. I had to break last week and ask my mom for help I really hated doing that, but with David being an ass I had no other choice.
There is a food closet here in town... I do have some food but some of it needs other things in order to make it. My kids say there is nothing to eat... They just have to learn to make do with what is here for a few more days. I don't want to have to call the food closet , cuz I know there are other people in town way worse then us. I have called it 3 times in 9 years, the second time (it had been three yrs since my first call) the women said in a snotty voice "we don't do this all the time!" So I try not to call them. People who abuse the system make it hard on those who don't.
I am sure things will turn around ( for the better, I hope) here soon.
Brian spent a day or 2 at his dads not long ago and he came home saying how Fugly told him she plans on leaving David soon. HMMMM when she does can I tell him "Told you so!" can I please??? 9 yrs ago this month when his affair first came to light I told him she was only using him for his choke gag hahaha money and that she was going to bankrupt him and leave him, his reponse in his voice ( like ho hum) was "maybe she will." She IMO was just using him for a green card all she has to do is stay married to him for a few yrs then she can divorce him and still be able to stay in the U S especially since she has a kids now by him. BUT she told Brian she plans on leaving him in another 2 yrs because she really doesn't love him any more!!! WHO the hell tells kids this kind of crap??? They are messed up people they also told MY kids I cheated on him... WHF??? UMMM yeah right!!! He kept me bare foot and pregnant, and even though he said he wanted me to learn to drive he did everything he could to scare me from it. I was NEVER allowed to leave the house with out one or ALL the kids I always had to have them with me! Even on a moms night out I had to take the youngest with me, so much for a moms night out! OH they told the kids I did it while I big food shopped (once a month) YUP that's were I cheated behind the produce and got 2 full shopping carts full of food in an hour.
OMG who tells KIDS this crap!!! OH I know people who try to shift the blame! Well all I know is GOD and I know the truth and that is what matters.
And just because I wrote the above paragraph doesn't mean I am still hung up on the dude, it just means I am getting it off my chest.
So many mixed emotions right now. I want to scream, I want to cry... I try to laugh to hide the pain, it's not working.
I feel like I am breaking inside (awesome song btw).
Last week I was under the impression I had 2 day care jobs, this week I find out they both fell through. Just when I think I am getting my head above water I sink even lower. I don't feel like I am ever going to see the light at the end of the tunnel at this point.
I guess it's time to hang up my hat with home day care and go get a job in the outside world. It's kinda of a scary thought to me since I have not worked out side the home since 1986 all I know is home day care... And I would miss the little one I watch now, he is like my own.
David not paying child support just makes it worse. I really hate him for doing this to his family! he claims he paid it BUT it's been 2 weeks since he said that and still nothing has showed up in my account! He won't even help out and buy the kids things they NEED NOT WANT! I never dreamed in a million years he would turn out to be such an ASS. We have a court hearing to go to on the 15th I have to take off and lose a days pay. I better get something from this. It pisses me off that he does this crap to his kids.
Then there is the MEN issue... Men just plain suck!!! I am not NO rebound girl, or a holla back girl, you know girl that is willing to be treated like a doormat or booty call. She is a girl that will allow guys to do whatever they want with her and will just wait for them to 'holla back' at them. Well that is NOT me,... OR a stand by will do in a pinch sort of girl. I am worth way much more then that.
So many things are bothering me right now. Most of which are small and trivial but none less weighing heavily on me right now!
Things are really bad right now and I could use the extra help but have to much pride to ask for the help. I know of a person who abuses the system and I don't understand how they can do that, I don't get it. I had to break last week and ask my mom for help I really hated doing that, but with David being an ass I had no other choice.
There is a food closet here in town... I do have some food but some of it needs other things in order to make it. My kids say there is nothing to eat... They just have to learn to make do with what is here for a few more days. I don't want to have to call the food closet , cuz I know there are other people in town way worse then us. I have called it 3 times in 9 years, the second time (it had been three yrs since my first call) the women said in a snotty voice "we don't do this all the time!" So I try not to call them. People who abuse the system make it hard on those who don't.
I am sure things will turn around ( for the better, I hope) here soon.
Brian spent a day or 2 at his dads not long ago and he came home saying how Fugly told him she plans on leaving David soon. HMMMM when she does can I tell him "Told you so!" can I please??? 9 yrs ago this month when his affair first came to light I told him she was only using him for his choke gag hahaha money and that she was going to bankrupt him and leave him, his reponse in his voice ( like ho hum) was "maybe she will." She IMO was just using him for a green card all she has to do is stay married to him for a few yrs then she can divorce him and still be able to stay in the U S especially since she has a kids now by him. BUT she told Brian she plans on leaving him in another 2 yrs because she really doesn't love him any more!!! WHO the hell tells kids this kind of crap??? They are messed up people they also told MY kids I cheated on him... WHF??? UMMM yeah right!!! He kept me bare foot and pregnant, and even though he said he wanted me to learn to drive he did everything he could to scare me from it. I was NEVER allowed to leave the house with out one or ALL the kids I always had to have them with me! Even on a moms night out I had to take the youngest with me, so much for a moms night out! OH they told the kids I did it while I big food shopped (once a month) YUP that's were I cheated behind the produce and got 2 full shopping carts full of food in an hour.
OMG who tells KIDS this crap!!! OH I know people who try to shift the blame! Well all I know is GOD and I know the truth and that is what matters.
And just because I wrote the above paragraph doesn't mean I am still hung up on the dude, it just means I am getting it off my chest.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
THE EEJIT STRIKES AGAIN....
Can I scream? Sure why not, after all it's my blog... I can do and say whatever I want here and if you don't like it, see that little red x up in the right hand corner... use it.
Ok now what has me fit to be tied tonight...
Well Butthead is 4 months behind on child support. We have a court hearing coming up in 14 days. It's so madding though I hate that he won't pay up. He told me nine yrs ago " the kids would never go without" Well they have done nothing but gone without since he left! He is self employed so child support does not get taken out of his pay check, he is suppose to pay it out of the goodness of his heart... Oh wait what heart???
The other night, he swears he paid CS I said he didn't because it would be in my account by now if he paid it when he said he did. Then he tells me he left his 6 yr old mail it!!! WHT????? Is he sure she didn't mix the trash can up with the mail box?
Then he says "well if I could just give you the check myself!" I said "yeah and we all know how well that turned out 8 yrs ago, that's why I ended up taking your ass to court."
So Brian starts his new school tomorrow they want him to dress casual, because you never know when he could be whisked away for a job interview (a really new cool school he is going to). So he has to dress nice. He needed new everything. I asked David for 48 hours if he could take Brian clothes shopping. he kept saying I'll call ya back later, but with him later never comes. I call him back this morning, he tells me to have Bri call him back at 3, Brian calls him and what does he say? I'll call ya back...
So I call at four and this is what I get "Well I decided I will work out a deal with Brian, he HAS to work for his clothes!, He needs to learn to earn his way!" Oh MY FRIGGIN BBBEEEPPPPPP..... You asshole IF you would pay CS I wouldn't be asking you to take him shopping. I would be taking him!!! It's one thing to make him work for something he WANTS BUT for something he NEEDS and from his father who is suppose to MAN UP and take care of his kids!!!!
And he wonders why Brian is so up set with him... His dad has treated him like this since the day he left.
It just makes me so mad that he does this to Brian.
I had to break down and call my mom and ask her to help me with school shopping! I hate doing that. But their own father won't even step up and take responsibility.
Ok now what has me fit to be tied tonight...
Well Butthead is 4 months behind on child support. We have a court hearing coming up in 14 days. It's so madding though I hate that he won't pay up. He told me nine yrs ago " the kids would never go without" Well they have done nothing but gone without since he left! He is self employed so child support does not get taken out of his pay check, he is suppose to pay it out of the goodness of his heart... Oh wait what heart???
The other night, he swears he paid CS I said he didn't because it would be in my account by now if he paid it when he said he did. Then he tells me he left his 6 yr old mail it!!! WHT????? Is he sure she didn't mix the trash can up with the mail box?
Then he says "well if I could just give you the check myself!" I said "yeah and we all know how well that turned out 8 yrs ago, that's why I ended up taking your ass to court."
So Brian starts his new school tomorrow they want him to dress casual, because you never know when he could be whisked away for a job interview (a really new cool school he is going to). So he has to dress nice. He needed new everything. I asked David for 48 hours if he could take Brian clothes shopping. he kept saying I'll call ya back later, but with him later never comes. I call him back this morning, he tells me to have Bri call him back at 3, Brian calls him and what does he say? I'll call ya back...
So I call at four and this is what I get "Well I decided I will work out a deal with Brian, he HAS to work for his clothes!, He needs to learn to earn his way!" Oh MY FRIGGIN BBBEEEPPPPPP..... You asshole IF you would pay CS I wouldn't be asking you to take him shopping. I would be taking him!!! It's one thing to make him work for something he WANTS BUT for something he NEEDS and from his father who is suppose to MAN UP and take care of his kids!!!!
And he wonders why Brian is so up set with him... His dad has treated him like this since the day he left.
It just makes me so mad that he does this to Brian.
I had to break down and call my mom and ask her to help me with school shopping! I hate doing that. But their own father won't even step up and take responsibility.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
As we grow
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.
Friday, August 20, 2010
WOW
I can't believe it's been almost 9 months since I blogged... I think I will get back into it... I think... Sometimes I think to much though...
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